


You Should Be Mine

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: California Dreaming [9]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Drama, F/M, Family, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-26
Updated: 2013-06-26
Packaged: 2017-12-16 05:13:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/858188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She wished she could find a way to articulate that she was just as apprehensive as he was.  The older she got, the more cautious she was of such good feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Should Be Mine

“I owe you big for this.” Jason walked into the den, putting a glass of iced tea on the coffee table for her. He shooed Gus away. The cat always wanted to stick his face in everything. That went double for things that weren’t his.

“Why do you always think you owe me something?” Paloma asked. “You don’t owe me anything.”

“I just…”

“Think hard about what you're going to say, Gideon.” Tameka said laughing. “There are children in the room.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything like that.” He gave her the look. Then he looked at Paloma and winked. She smiled. “I want to finish cleaning the kitchen; are you guys going to be OK in here?”

“We’re fine.” Tameka said.

“Paloma, how do you do that?” Maddie asked. She was sitting on the loveseat reading one of her _Powerpuff Girls_ books.

“It’s not too hard.” She replied. “I can do yours afterwards if you want.”

“Really? Are you sure that your fingers won't be too tired?”

“I don’t think so.” Paloma shook her head.

She was sitting in Jason’s den watching cartoons and braiding Tameka’s hair. Last week while Paloma was over hanging out the two of them got into a conversation about hair. Tameka talked about all the cool braids that she wanted but Gideon couldn’t do that kind of stuff. There were two black beauty salons downtown but he felt they charged too much. He told Tameka when she got to high school that she could go and get her hair done. For right now he thought it was important to keep her hair as natural as she could while it was still developing.

“ _I can do braids.” Paloma said while they ate Doritos and listened to Justin Timberlake._

_“No way, for real?”_

_“Yeah. I did all kinds of crazy stuff to my hair growing up…I'm really surprised I still have any. I colored it, cut it, twisted it, and braided it. Everyday was a new adventure.”_

_“Do you think you can do something cool to my hair?” Tameka asked._

_“I think that’ll be fun.” Paloma replied smiling. “It’s been a while since I've experimented.”_

_“Its OK right, Gideon?”_

_As if he could say no with the hopeful look on the teenager’s face. He wasn’t going to say no anyway. Jason knew he wasn’t the world’s coolest foster dad. It was only a matter of time before the girls wanted to go elsewhere for the cool things. He added Paloma’s being an amateur cosmetologist to the list of fascinating things about her_.

“Are you gonna give Maddie those cool braids like Bo Derek had in _10_?” Tameka asked. “She's the only white girl I've ever seen with cornrows.”

“Who’s Bo Derek?” Maddie asked.

“In the early 80s she was the hottest white girl alive.” Tameka replied. “For a while anyway. Even hot people only get 15 minutes of fame.”

“How do you know who Bo Derek is?” Paloma asked. She greased Tameka’s part, sticking the wide toothed comb into her unbraided hair. “She's more my generation than yours.”

“I read about her on the internet. Did you know she was married to that old dude who played in _The Ten Commandments_? I'm not talking about Charlton Heston but the other dude. One of the guys at school that I follow on Facebook rambles on and on about her all the time. She's kinda cool.”

“I always thought so.”

“Some of my friends are all into girls like Rhianna and Demi and Miley. I guess they’re OK but I’m more old school, you know? I was checking out this 50s and 60s website on African-Americans and they were wicked awesome. I think I wanna be like Dorothy Dandridge or Diahann Carroll. But then the 70s women were even badder. Grace Jones and Beverly Johnson are badass.”

“You're into fashion and culture huh?” Paloma asked.

“I totally am.” Tameka nodded. “I think when I grow up I'm going to be a stylist. I wanna design clothes and jewelry and do hair and makeup. African-American women have so many different styles but magazines don’t really cater to us. Maybe I’ll start my own magazine.”

“You can do anything you put your mind to, Meka.”

“That’s what Gideon told me too. Someday I’ll move to New York and make a name for myself. I’ll get my own show at Fashion Week or something.”

“I’ll be able to say I knew you when.” Paloma smiled.

“I know right!”

“Are you almost done?” Maddie asked. “I'm ready for my hair to be done now.”

“Almost, Maddie. Why don’t you go check on Gideon in the kitchen? I bet when you get back, I’ll be done.”

“OK.”

The seven year old bounced off the loveseat and dashed out of the room.

“You're really good with kids.” Tameka said. “Why don’t you have any of your own?”

“That’s a good question.” Paloma replied.

“Adults say that when they’re not going to answer.”

“I spend a lot of time with children in my job. I would love a family of my own but it just hasn’t happened yet. I have wonderful nieces and nephews; I love them very much.”

“If you marry Gideon someday you can have us. I mean we’re just foster kids but we’re still kids.”

“You're more than just foster kids, Tameka. Jason loves all five of you very much.”

“We love him too. I think he likes you a lot too. Maybe it’s not love yet but I betcha it could be with the proper push. I’ll do what I can to help.”

“I appreciate it.” Paloma laughed lightly. 

“It’s not a problem. You're awesome and Gideon’s a really smart guy so I know that he already knows that. I won't be working that hard.”

***

“It was difficult getting Maddie out of the bathroom mirror and into bed.” Jason smiled as he walked out onto the deck. He placed a small bowl of strawberries and a small bowl of whipped cream on the glass table. “She loves her hair.”

“She was a bit squirmy but I think it came out well.” Paloma reached for a strawberry. “It’s such a gorgeous night. Perfect for relaxing on the deck. If you want to I thought it would be fun to do this at my place on Thursday. I could grill some steak or some fish. Will you be able to get a babysitter?”

“I think that could be arranged. So, Thursday night date night and Sunday at the beach with the kids? You're not going to grow tired of us?”

“No.” she shook her head.

“Tashima might be coming to you soon for hair tips. She was impressed with Tameka’s braids. I think I've been replaced.”

“You did a good job for a lot of years.” She smiled while stroking his arm. “Both the girls appreciate you.”

“You're good with them, Paloma. I know people probably tell you how good you are with kids everyday. You might even get sick of hearing it, and if that’s true then I apologize in advance. But when I see you with my kids…”

Jason put his hand on top of hers. He was curious why Paloma had no children. He was curious about a lot of things. There was time to learn everything but right at this moment his curiosity was getting the better of him. 

He knew women who didn’t want kids, and there was nothing wrong with that. For all the people who had children but didn’t do right by them Jason was glad people made decisions that were right for them where starting families was concerned. Paloma loved kids though. She answered all their questions, understood their humor, and empathized with their growing pains.

“I wanted three kids.” She said. “I know it can be sticky having a middle child, as I was one, but I wanted it anyway. Maybe it’s because that’s what I knew best. When I got married I just knew all my dreams were going to come true. Believe me, I can be as much of a cynic as anyone else but I was going to have the dream.

“I had two miscarriages during my marriage. The doctor said it was possible to carry a baby to term so I didn’t have to give up. He acted as if the trauma of losing a child was just something I could brush off and move on from. It was tough. I didn’t want to put my body through IVF. It’s also really expensive and my husband and I thought adoption would be a better route for us. Then 9/11 happened.”

“9/11?”Jason raised an eyebrow.

“My husband had been a marine, well once a marine always a marine. He’d been honorably discharged years before and went onto medical school and became an ER doctor. That was how we met. I ended up there after some idiot came flying out of an intersection and hit me while I was riding my bike in Berkeley. 

“Best trip to the hospital ever.” When Paloma smiled it was sad. “He reenlisted after 9/11 and did two tours of Afghanistan. It was hard when he came back but we both tried. Damian had been gone for almost two years. 

“ER doctor or not, Santa Rosa had nothing on the adrenaline rush of the front lines. If he was one thing, it was an adrenaline junkie. So when the call came to take a position at Landstuhl Medical Center near Ramstein Air Force Base he couldn’t turn it down. I actually didn’t even get a say.”

“He just left you?”

“No, he wanted his dream and I loved him so I wanted it for him as well. Don’t get me wrong, I was heartbroken. I loved him so it wasn’t just about some fairy tale. Our first three years together, even with the tragedies, had amazing moments. 

“I really believed in till death us do part when I married him. I think Damian believed it too. Turns out we just had two very different ideas about what could fulfill us after the whole world changed. You know?”

“I know.” Jason nodded.

“So I just gave up for a while after the divorce. I threw myself into work and helping kids who the world turned their backs on. It fulfilled me. But I woke up one day, approaching forty, and figured it might be too late to have those things I always wanted. At least I thought I always wanted them.”

“It’s never too late. I know from experience.”

Paloma didn’t say anything for a while. She just sat out on Jason’s deck, barefoot and relaxing. She ate more strawberries and Jason did too. They listened to the sounds of the quiet night in Windsor. Right now there weren’t even cars driving down the street. 

One of the dogs was running around in the yard but the bulldog, Frump, sat at Paloma’s feet. When she looked at Jason he gave her a reassuring smile. He knew how hard it was to tell that story. He’d told his own to her a few months back. 

They both had sadness in their lives. Everyone had sadness in their lives. Paloma always did her best to live for today, and maybe even tomorrow. Living for yesterday was a waste of whatever time she had left.

“Tell me one thing that always makes you smile.” Jason said.

“Just one thing?”

“Just one thing.”

“A Flock of Seagulls. That’s a really silly answer but it’s true. Everyone thinks of them as this one-hit wonder band but they had like three other minor hits in the 80s. I bought their greatest hits in a bargain bin one day and after really bad days at work I play it all over my house. If I'm not in a good mood after that I have to go to my last resort.”

“What's your last resort?” he asked.

“It’s _A Fish Called Wanda_ and cookies and cream ice cream.” She replied.

“You make me smile.” Jason leaned over, stroking Paloma’s face and kissing her. “I couldn’t sleep the other night, the night of the thunderstorm. I decided to do some brain teasers on my phone so I wouldn’t have to get out of bed. I found those pictures that you took when we had our date at the beach. The more I looked at them, the better I felt. And it helped me fall asleep.”

“I'm glad I could be there for you even without being there.”

“It seems as if you're always there lately.”

“Is that a good thing or…?” Paloma asked.

“It’s a good thing. I know we don’t want to jump into anything but we’re not young anymore.” Jason said. “And I'm not saying that we should rush just because we’re not young. I just mean that to say we know the things we want from life and the things that make us happy. 

“You make me happy Paloma. I'm terrible at this. I think I knew the moment that you asked me to the art show that you could be someone very special in my life. I was almost positive the first time we made love and I knew for sure when you jumped in to help plan the party for the girls.”

“Oh I forgot to tell you. The DJ is scheduled and I went to Party City since I pass one on the way home from work. I got the piñata, some cool things to put in the piñata; I ordered a banner…”

“Slow down.” He gently placed his finger on her lips. “I appreciate that so much but I want to talk about something else for a moment.”

“OK.” She nodded. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to hear it. Paloma loved listening to Gideon talk. She wished she could find a way to articulate that she was just as apprehensive as he was. The older she got, the more cautious she was of such good feelings. Nothing would stop Paloma from being hurt again…it was a fact of life. She just didn’t realize how much she wanted this until she was smack in the middle of it.

“My kids adore you. You have 5 ringing endorsements in the house right now. That’s not the only reason I want you to consider being with me. You make me feel safe. You make me feel calm and relaxed. When you're not here I want you to be here. 

“You listen to me; it’s been a long time since I felt I could open up to anyone. You're beautiful, Paloma. You're sexy and funny and charming and intelligent. Your mind turns me on just as much as your body does. I just don’t know if you know what you're getting yourself into.”

“You could um,” she cleared her throat. “You could tell me three things about yourself that you think are so bad. I've known you for over three years Jason, and we’ve talked a lot. I think you're a wonderful man. 

“I think you're kind and smart and caring and when I'm with you I feel good too. When we make love I feel like it’s where I'm supposed to be. I'm not passing the time with you; I'm making the time for you. And for your children.”

“I've had one and half nervous breakdowns.” Jason replied taking a deep breath. He'd never said that out loud before. “I can be incredibly single-minded, though being a parent has changed that significantly. I'm a solitary man, always pushed people away because I didn’t want to experience the eventual loss. The older I get, the longer I stay here, I want to let people in. I want to let you in.”

“I'm not going anywhere.” Paloma shook her head. She took his face in her hands. She loved his face; she loved the stories in his eyes. Jason had been through hell more than once. 

Despite that he still pressed on. He recognized and took pleasure in the beauty life had to offer even when he felt he didn’t deserve it. “I'm not perfect Jason. I wear a mask a lot…it’s easier. 

“I hide my disappointment and my sadness and my disgust. My father used to always tell me that it took less muscles to smile than to frown. I took that to heart. I don’t want to burden people with what I might be feeling.”

“I always want to know what you're feeling. It’s never a burden to me.”

“Right now I feel pretty good.” She smiled.

“So we’re…?”

“Yeah, we are.” She kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Jason pulled Paloma from her chair and onto his lap. It was a bold move but the chance of them being caught was slim; the kids were in bed. When she ran her fingers through his hair, Jason moaned and pulled her closer.

“I would really love to…” Paloma leaned and whispered in his ear.

“Me too.” He smiled.

“You’ve got a full house.”

“I've always got a full house.” He pushed an errant hair behind her ear. “On Thursday evening we’ll be alone.”

“I guess I have to go home and take a long, hot bath.”

“I’ll just go upstairs and imagine you taking a long, hot bath.”

Paloma laughed and gave him one more kiss. She didn’t want to go but knew she should. It wasn’t just about being amorous, which she was, but the hour was turning late. There was work in the morning; Paloma never liked being tired on the job. Maybe if she went in an hour late and slept in that might be better.

“I’ll walk you out.” Jason said.

“OK.”

They walked through the quiet house holding hands and leaning close to each other. Gus walked with them as if he was suddenly chaperoning a date. He stopped at the front door just as they did.

“I’ll call you tomorrow.” Jason pulled her into his arms.

“Let’s promise not to change.” Paloma said. “I just feel the need to say that because I adore you the way you are, Jason. Some change is normal, but we shouldn’t think that we have to be a certain way just because we’ve decided to be a couple. OK?”

“So I shouldn’t call you tomorrow?”

“Goodnight Jason.” She laughed, kissed him, and opened the front door.

He watched her walk across the street to her car. They were a couple now…Gideon would try to stop the churning in his stomach. He was a grown man; he could handle this. He wanted this. Things didn’t always have to be hard. 

Sometimes they were really easy. Paloma was easy. She made him content and Jason wanted to be content. They didn’t have to change. They didn’t have to become someone different because they finally admitted aloud the feelings that had been building for longer than either cared to admit. 

Maybe this was going to be a real second chance. If Jason was truthful with himself, which he always tried to be, it was more like his fifth. It was time to get it right. So far, so good, and there was much more to look forward to.

***


End file.
